Confusion

What is Confusion? In my mind, where it all starts, for me, confusion is not being able to focus on life, on your thoughts, on what’s going on around you. I am not a pychologist or have any degrees what-so-ever in this field. What I do have is an “idea” of who I am right now, this minute and I believe that is because I have been to people and have been taught by their stories, who hold titles or degrees with those “labels”. I’ve also learned to go within myself through quietness and asking questions to myself or a God of which I was “told” exists, (which is why I exist). The Confusion was for many years so strong that I didn’t want to be here on this planet.

With that Confusion came a lot of disturbing thoughts and things that “happened” because of those disturbing thoughts. I believed in “God” but the teaching which I was taught was one of duality. This world is all about duality, male or female, good or bad, right or wrong, kindness or meanness. We are one or the other. But not both.

The world has taught me so much in the way of survival for the “body”. How to eat, drink and be “healthy” along with other things that make the body look and feel good. They all serve a purpose in one way or the other. After all we are here in the “flesh” and in order to survive in the flesh we must do certain things to keep the flesh alive.

What the world does not “teach” us is what guides you to the kind of thinking that leads to the reasons you are here. Why are you here? There are many reasons we can come up with as to why we are here on this planet. If you are a Christian, you are here to spread the “Word of God”. If you are “Spiritual” you are to live in such a way that others see your joy, peace and happiness and perhaps will want to “find out” how to acquire what you seemed to have attained.

Why I am writing about this is because it seems to me, that when I “think” I have come to a place within me that brings me “peace”, the confusion seems to want to disturb it. It seems to come from the outside world I am experiencing. Sometime, it seems to come from listening to the stories of other people, known or not known. Sometimes it seems to come from family members. But when I go within and ask myself questions, I see that all of the confusion comes from within myself. I learn ways of overcoming things in my thinking so as not to have so much confusion to where I can continue to function in the world.

Yes, there have been times when the confusion was so huge, that I could not function at all. I mean I was literally num to what my world was and what was going on around me. I’ve come to understand that I created all of it, inside my own head. I’ve learned that we have the power within ourselves to create stories of how we wish to see the world and how we will live in this world. You have that power as well. Decide you want the good in your life and keep deciding it til it happens.

There were times when I absolutely didn’t want to live in this world any longer. The confusion was, at times, so strong that I didn’t know how to handle any part of life. And I did not want to. I ran away from people and things. I ran to people and things. I just wanted to forget the world and how to live in the world. To my surprise, even though there were many times throughout my life when the confusion came, it always left and never stayed.

I have search and research and have repeated things in my life until I couldn’t repeat certain things any longer. Repeating the same thoughts and things just brought grief and despair, while inside my mind I knew and always knew that this shouldn’t be this way. I had this “love affair” going on within myself that I wanted to see in the world. Because of the confusion, at times in my own mind, the “love affair” wouldn’t stay and so I experienced no love at all, either within my mind or the world.

I’ve come to understand a deeper “truth” within myself, because of my wanting to understand and constantly going within to get it. Sometimes, I still go without to learn, but I know that it all starts “within”. Whatever I see “out” in the world is always a reflection of what’s going on “within” my own mind.

Now I have a better understanding of what Confusion is and each time it comes to visit me, I can now choose to let it go, knowing that I have control over it. My journey seemed to take a long time to get to this understanding but the more I choose Love Peace Joy and Happiness for Myself, the “time” is less and less valued in my world.

One of the things the Course in Miracles teaches is, “I Am here Only to be Truly Helpful”. Coming to that understanding has not been an easy road but one that was well worth staying here for.

I am Grateful to have others in my life who have taken the “Journey” with me and those I’ve learned from who taught me by their stories I’ve read or listened to. Just for today, I’m choosing to stay here and continue on my journey, for reasons that are beyond what I can comprehend right now. I hope whoever reads any of my stories that I share, receives inspiration in any way that will help them to see their worth and also to know that I’m listening and so are others to the stories we are all sharing.

Love Peace Joy Hope Abundance Happiness and Understanding is For Us All…. We just have to decide what we will and will not accept in our “world”, the one inside our “own” minds.

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